I have recently come to two realizations in my life.
The first has to do with fear. You see ever since I learned of boggarts in the wonderful world of Harry Potter I have always thought about what a boggart would turn in to for me. I've always had the question "What if you don't know what your greatest fear is?" I always new mine wasn't anything like spiders or even Snape, and I always wished that Boggarts actually existed cause then I could find out what my greatest fear really was. While this thought wasn't all that important in my life I've never really have been able to get rid of it. But just recently another thought popped into my head, and I realised that the thought was quite accurate. I realized that alot of the time my greatest fear was reality.
Now I'm not exactly sure what shape reality would take if I ever were to cross paths with a boggart, but that's not really important. The important part is that I finally have some kind of answer for the question I've had for such a long time.
Now let me explain what I mean by my greatest fear is reality.
I have always been one to dream big. I am always, always making stories and moments and memories up. I don't think my imagination has ever stopped creating things, ever. And when I create these stories in my mind I get so attached to them, to the emotions, and the loyalties, and the dreams that go along with them. They are the things that make every day of my life exciting. And I do feel that those stories, and the ridiculous amount of blessings God has given me, are what has made my life so happy. They are the reason that I try not to get upset about the little things, the stories make me realize that the little thing don't matter so much. They are the reason that I am so much less angry than I used to be, and they are the reason that I never really have been depressed about anything.(don't get me wrong I've been upset lots of times, I just haven't REALLY been depressed) God has blessed me so much with giving me these stories to get by each day, and he has blessed me with so many things, and people to inspire those stories so that they never end.
While I do realize that I live everyday in the real world, and I know that those stories are just that, stories.(don't worry I'm really not as crazy as you think) I still fear losing them, I fear waking up one day and realizing that the world is an ugly place, that the real world never goes along with the one I've created in my head. I'm afraid that I'll come to the conclusion that none of my dreams will ever come true. I'm afraid of losing my thoughts and dreams and creativity, and I'm afraid of losing my outlook on the world. And I guess in a large part I'm afraid of losing who I am. I love being the artsy type, I love that while I understand the importance of reason, and use it in my decisions, reason isn't the only or(at least not always) the most important thing I use to make decisions. I love seeing the world through the eyes of my imagination, not the eyes of logic and reason and reality. I love that I can see the beauty and the wonder of something that so many people write off as weird and something from a crazy person. I love being my own unique person in my own unique world and I never wanna lose that.
Secondly after having a conversation with my father about one of my latest schemes for my life he said a very common phrase to me that brought me to my second conclusion. I never do take no for an answer. At least I never take no to actually mean no. When I hear "No" I really hear "That won't work out" and then I figure out why it won't work out and then I try and fix the parts that won't work so that "No" turns to "Yes" or "That will work out." While I feel like this will help me for alot of things in life I know that now it really frustrates my parents and is something I should probably work on... hm.
lastly, I am now going to start reading Alice's Adventure's In Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass. We have a really old version of it, and I'm really excited about what I will think of it!
Well, I'm off to go see what I can do about turning that previously mentioned "No" into a "Yes"
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