Two weeks.

Disclaimer: this is written on my dad's iPad, so if there are a lot of typos, I am sorry.

Well, I made it to Cali in more or less one piece.

Its been just about two weeks since my best friend and I rolled into Corona, California in the dark after an equally exhausting, beautiful, happy, and frustrating three day road trip down the Oregon and Californian coast. Which for some unknown reason we decided to video tape, and if I ever figure out how to edit the clips(problems include knowing how and the new realizations that watching large amounts of home video makes me really, really, REALLY noxious. Fun stuff.) I, for other unknown reasons, will be posting them here. However, until then, I will settle with filling you all in on my past two weeks of Californian life.

Recap:

Sunday night the 25th arrived in California.
Monday evening the 26th best friend flew away back home.
Tuesday the 27th five million and one boxes were unloaded off of a massive semi and stacked floor to ceiling in my garage and throughout my house.
Wednesday through Friday afternoon the 28th-30th were spent swimming in a sea of packing paper, stacking dishes, moving boxes, and cutting through tape.
Friday evening the 30th dad bought us all brand new, shiny, and well functioning hybrid bikes.
Saturday the 31st it was off to Huntington Beach with all the rollerbladers, tourists, families, and clean surfers with perfectly trimmed beards(what is this?) for some quality family time bike riding followed by a four mile skate on my part.
Sunday the 1st, my first time at our new church where the people are impressively friendly. Like, really impressively friendly. Followed by a trip to Long Beach for lunch. Finally, a place that makes sense to me!
Monday through Friday the 2nd-6th were for job searching and the ever present battle of unpacking.

Evaluation:

If I said it was all sunshine and happiness, it would be a lie, but if I said it was all doom and gloom that would be a lie too. It's not easy leaving your home behind to go to a place you know nothing about and just plain and simple, do not understand. It's weird going from months of not seeing your parents to them being basically the only people you talk to. While everyone else is talking about rain and pumpkin spice lattes, I am laying on the ground complaining to my parents and pretty much dieing because its 99 and humid. And frankly Augustana, going somewhere where no one knows your name is overrated.

Life goes on. You're far away when heartbreak hits, when goodbyes become real, when accomplishments are achieved, and when memories are made. But it's not a bad thing. God put me here and for that I am thankful.

I am of the opinion that all things are solved by God. (Note: not with God, by God, by the grace of God. Often by God through us, but ultimately by God.) I am also of the opinion that most things can be solved by the magic of twinkle lights and Avett Brothers on the radio. God has a plan for me. I'm in that plan, and its full of magic.

My life is good. My parents love me and each other and God. There's an extremely nice pool in my backyard. Tonight, I officially got settled in my room, complete with a real closet, an old colorful crochet blanket, twinkle lights bordering my ceiling, and a great big beautiful window. Netflix and Pinterest are a honest blessing. Bike riding with my dad is happy. Skate shops are everywhere and always remind me of my favorite memories and my favorite people. Habitat for Humanity stores are full of hidden Treasure. My two besties are officially better than yours, we have group text. My dog got really attached to me that whole month we were homeless(staying at my sister's). Community groups start at church soon, and my parents informed me there is one in which the kids from Biola go(yay people my age! I might make friends!!). Finally, as a dear soul promised me, it's all an adventure.

So to finish off my two week anniversary, I am a lover of lists. Here are a few.

Things I miss:

Hats.

My sister. Staying at her house for a month was wonderful.

Things I hate:

Humidity

My demon light that is on some kind of timer which turns the light and fan on and off on its own accord whenever it feels like it, day and night. Along with the crappy switcher that goes with it and never works. (Help me.)

Conclusions I have come to:

California confuses me.

The girls here need more No Maintenance Mondays.

All of our art is of the Pacific Northwest.

Things I am extremely thankful for:

The Avett Brothers. (Seriously, who wants to fly here for my birthday and go see them with me??)

My parents. Thank goodness they are my friends because they're all I got.

My bible on my bedside table.

Bike rides.

My dog. He makes life considerably less lonely.

Big signs that say "All That Jazz".

Twinkle lights. Always and forever twinkle lights.

Happy Friday everybody.
Godspeed & sweet dreams.
Bek.

Back Again

Hello there blogging world...

Its been a while. Over a year to be specific.

 Many, many things have happened since I last made use of this space, and I have decided to revisit for a couple of different reasons. 

Reason number one: I miss writing.

I work as a writing tutor, yet I never write. This makes me sad, and I am going to fix it. 

Reason number two: I'm moving.

Yesterday we accepted an offer on our house, and in about a month I will move away from the home that, except for three great months last summer, I have spent my entire life in. I will be moving with my parents to Southern California. A place I have never been, where I know no one, have no job, and have no school. So, I have decided to start writing again to share a little bit of my life with all of the people I am leaving behind. 

I probably won't write about many important things, and my thoughts aren't always clear. But I want to work at developing my impressions and viewpoints about the life God has created around me, and I want to share that life with all of the people I love. This is what I'm going to try to do here. So anyway, wish me luck. 

Happy Wednesday my loves.

Godspeed & Sweet Dreams

~Bek

Praying time.

Let me tell you a story...

One night about three months ago I was having a phone conversation with someone I often refer to as my best friend. She was telling me all about the display for a Christian camp that was covered in pictures of the one I often refer to as my brother. We had both brilliantly come up with the idea of working at this camp all summer so that we would have a chance to get away from home for a bit and could for once in our life be close to one another.

At this time the best friend was attending bible school at a place called Cannon Beach. We were set and excited for attending this camp, but as time progressed and we kept putting off the application process.

While all of this was happening she was constantly getting pestered by her bible school friends to stay and work at the beach all summer instead. Then during one of our many conversations I had a thought. One good question of a thought.

Why DON'T we work at the beach this summer?

Needless to say, a summer spent by the ocean was a bit more appealing than chasing after hundreds of children and living in a dorm packed full of teenagers. It was decided.

Somehow our parents agreed, the best friend found a classmate renting a house and looking for roommates at a simple $275 a month, and over spring break we were on a mission for employment. By the end of the week I had become the future employee of Cannon Beach Clothing Co.

A summer at the beach it was.

Now for the bump in the road. Since this time, as the result of bad timing and some miscommunications I have no place to live.

A job + no place to live = problem.

The best friend was happily able to find two great jobs and an amazing place to live. She is currently spending her days backing up trailers, selling home decor with an amazing group of ladies, and learning to longboard down the streets of both CB and Seaside. Happy days galore.

But unfortunately, I am not able to stay with her based off of my minor status and some sort of liability that creates? I don't know what that's about either.

So as a result there is now a sort, handwritten and humble note posted in the middle of the local church's community board with my name and number on it. I'm hoping that I will find a good place to live with one of the families located in the town. Otherwise my summer plans will change to one filled with screen-printing classes at school and days working at Panera, not a necessarily bad outcome but not the beach either.

Funnily enough, I'm not really worried about it, it just is what it is. It's like I have an amount of peace over the whole ordeal, and I know that if I go, or if I stay it will be a good summer. Maybe it has to do with the study of Nehemiah we are having in Sunday School. Hearing about his amazing example of not only prayer, but action and plan and leadership is extremely motivating and a great comfort to me.

Anyway, I have till the end of May to find somewhere to live or I have to let Cannon Beach Clothing Co. know I won't be coming after all. Until then its prayer, day in and day out, and I would really appreciate a prayer or two from all you wonderful people!

Thanks for listening to that novel of a story.

Happy Friday my loves.

Godspeed and Sweet Dreams. <3 Becfola

Blessings

In this moment, with the sunshine beaming through my window and after a night filled with seven hours of good sleep(following a night of two hours) I can't help but feeling uncommonly blessed.

I am blessed with a wonderful world God made for us and the variety of life it is home to.

I am blessed with good food. Avocado, goat cheese and spinach grilled cheese sandwiches to be specific.

I am blessed with the challenges that God puts in front of me everyday. They help me face the world I live in and  to stop running away or hiding from so many things. 

I am so very blessed with the gift God has given me, and that I get to go to school and create goats out of crayons.  That I still have so much to learn. That everyday he teaches me a little more about beauty, and that someday I will be able to create things that I might be just a little more proud to present in His honor.  

I am blessed because of the color in the world. Color that I get to use it to bring life to every moment.

I am blessed with amazing people. With the smiles and the love that they create. People are what bring me out of the walls I build up, my fear is what shuts me in.

I am blessed with writing classes that make me a stronger thinker and that remind me how much I love clothes. 

I am blessed with Sunday School lessons on Nehemiah filled with prayer, planning, faith, and countless conversations on Zac Efron, movies, and Jackson family wall building techniques. 

I am blessed with music, future concerts with friends or fathers, and friends playing in future concerts.

I am blessed with a family I love, that forgive me when I treat them awful.

I am blessed with an amazing soul of a bestfriend who keeps me at least a little bit sane as my world falls apart around me.

I am blessed with a messy room that in all its chaos is still full of love and tokens cheering me on through every work filled day. 

I am blessed by every amazing artist I have had the opportunity to learn from. I learn so much from them without even realizing.

 I am blessed by documentaries that are full of the most inspirational people who give me the hope that I can live out every dream that God has given me and still go to church to worship His name every Sunday morning for the rest of my life. 

I am blessed with a far away bestfriend who come home in five weeks. 

No day is filled with only sunshine and daisies. Everyday, every moment has a bump in the road. But turning around and facing my problems, accepting them, giving them to God and then moving forward has let me see the love and direction found all around me. 

Happy Wednesday my loves.

Godspeed and sweet dreams. <3 Becfola.

California Sun

Growing up everybody seems to be going along more or less the same road.  We move at different paces and we hit different bumps along the way, but we're all headed in the same general direction.  But before we've been on that road long it all changes.  Our original road ends and about five million more pop up in its place, and we are given the task of picking which one we will go down.  Intimidating much? It tells a lot about a person when they get the chance to choose, and a lot of the time they take roads you never would have guessed.. or you would have guessed but that take them far away from you nonetheless. Its not easy and a lot of the time it takes people along time to make a decision...

Not me.

I have been one of those people fortunate enough to get a few good hints and find a spyglass along the way, I was one of the ones able to get a glimpse of what was ahead and start preparing accordingly.  So I have.

For about five years now I've had it in my head that I've wanted to do fashion design, and well for those five years there hasn't been a day that I've ever doubted that it was what I wanted to do.  I started to look at art schools around here a while back(I like to plan ahead) but quickly determined that it would be far out of my price range.  I still definitely wanted to purse fashion though, and last year I started looking into what was available at a community college level.  That's where I happened upon FIDM(The Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising), or rather God placed it in front of me.

I was visiting a college in Tacoma, checking out a pre-fashion design program they had, and while I was there and they had a representative from the college come give us a little info on the college.  After she gave her speel and named a price tag that was half of the local colleges I was captivated..

That was about six months ago... After that I researched FIDM a bit more and always had it as the idea to work toward, but it was never anything definite. But this past month they had a big information session in Bellevue for all the prospective students in Washington.  After going to that and listening to the alumni speak, I knew that this is where I feel I need to go, this is where I feel called to go. God has put this school in my life and it is an amazing school at that!

Two days after Bellevue I met with one of the heads of administrations, as she was in town for a couple days, talked details and I now have my application.  I have an advisor at the school, I'm taking my SATs in the beginning of December, and once I get my scores and finish up a portfolio to send in, I will have my application turned in.

I never thought I'd ever go to California, and I never thought I would be able to afford a college as nice as this, but with hard work, scholarships, a little help, and a lot of God I really believe it will happen. Life is exciting, and if this works out it will be such a great chapter in my life, and I'm going to learn so incredibly much!

So, Lord willing, I will be going to the LA campus when I graduate community college for a fifteen month program in fashion design!

http://fidm.edu/en/Visit+FIDM/Launch+Virtual+Tour/ Check it out!!! :D (LA campus)

Godspeed and sweet dreams..

Xx Becfola

Worry or Believe

As much as I will always hate to admit it, and always be in denial of it, I worry.  I worry quite a lot actually.

I worry about the future, the unknown... I'm afraid of what could happen or rather what couldn't happen.  I have so many dreams, they're what motivate my every move in that crazy old game called life.  I put so much stock in these dreams and because of that I never-ever-ever stop worrying about them.  I can never get the thought "They're probably not going to come true Becca, they're far to much of a long shot." out of the back of my mind, every time I think about my future I hear those words.  No matter how many times I come up with sound logical reasons why it'll happen, or tell myself that it has to happen because I feel so close to it or so strongly about it, or how many signs I point out to my head that suggest the dreams are right around the corner I can never quite believe.

Well I'm done. No more worrying for me.

I have recently been able to see that when God steps up to the plate, when He is on your team, you can win any game. I was able to witness the dreams of someone who is very close to my heart come true.  By being able to see how God helped that person every step of the way, I finally realized that with His help you can make anything happen.. He can make anything happen.  I repeat. ANYTHING   ...I have this slightly unfortunate tendency to "know" really obvious things that I've been told, or have read thousands of times but never ever REALIZE those things ...It makes life a little interesting sometimes... but anyway the point is that I have finally realized that idea I've been told so many times. I'm done worrying about weather or not it'll happen because I've seen it happen, because He made it happen. Most important if I just sit and worry I KNOW those dreams won't come true, God won't make it happen unless I'm working toward it. So I'm going to get off my butt, work harder than I possibly could by myself, and rely completely on God.  And that plus a bit of prayer means those dreams can come true.  Every single one of them. It's not unlikely, its possible.

I finally believe, and I finally refuse to listen to that voice.

A few words to help remind me along the way of discovering my dreams:

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams, live the life you've always imagined"

"If we all did the things we are capable of doing we would literally astound ourselves." -Thomas Edison

"Break the monotony. Do something strange and extravagant!"

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."

"There's a boy next to me and he never will be anything but a boy at the bar
And I think he's the tops, he's where everything stops
How I love to love him from afar

When he walks right past me I finally see on this barstool I can't stay
So I'm taking my frown to a far distant town
On an island in the blue bay" -Far Away by Ingrid Michealson

"The man who travels a mile each day may get around the world at last."

"l'arte d'arrangiarsi" translation: The art of making something out of nothing.

"Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain
We all have sorrow
but if we are wise
we know there's always tomorrow

Lean on me
When you're not strong
And I'll be your friend
I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on...

...If there is a load that you have to bear
That you can't carry
I'm right up the road
I'll share your load
If you just call me" -Lean On Me

...And I saved the longest one for last.. yes you should read it all.

Can't

Can't is the worst word that's spoken;
Doing more harm here than slanders and lies;
On it is many strong spirit broken,
And with it many good purpose dies.
It springs from the lips of the thoughtless each morning
And robs us of courage we need through the day:
It rings in our ears like a warning
And laughs when we falter and fall by the way.

Can't is the father of feeble endeavor,
The parent of terror and halfhearted work;
It weakens the efforts of artisans clever,
And makes of the toiler an indolent shirk.
It poisons the soul of the man with a vision,
It stifles in infancy many a plan;
It greets honest toiling with open derision
And mocks at the hopes and the dreams of a man.

Can't is a word none should speak with out blushing;
To utter it should be a symbol of shame;
Ambition and courage it daily is crushing;
It blights a man's purpose and shortens his aim.
Despise it with all of your hatred of error;
Refuse it the lodgement it seeks in your brain;
Arm against it as a creature of terror,
And all that you dream of you someday will gain.

Can't is the word that is foe to ambition,
An enemy ambushed to shatter your will;
its prey is forever the man with a mission
And bows but to courage and patience and skill.
Hate it, with hatred that's deep and undying,
For once it is welcomed 'twill break any man;
Whatever the goal you are seeking, keep trying
And answer this demon by saying: "I can."

Godspeed and sweet dreams.

Xx

Becca

Honey I'm Home

HELLO! I have returned!

After one furry little puppy chewed up the powercord to my "slightly" damaged hand-me-down laptop I have yet to post a new ramble on my not-so-much-but-still-extremely-exciting life.  You see, sitting in our cold office staring up at my dad's fairly large computer screen just isn't near as inspiring as sitting on my wonderfully comfy and warm bed.  End of story. But I am now back as I have a new powercord and my life has slowed down just enough to spend a little extra time on me!

It is sufficient to say that A LOT has changed since the last time I posted.  Its a little bit mind boggling all the change that has come over the past year... everything, and I mean everything, has changed.  And they haven't exactly been small changes, rather they've been those slightly earth shattering, life changing, chapter closing, personality altering sorts of changes that FORCE you to grow up quite a bit.  But fret not its all been for the good, and most of those changes came as smoothly as possible... mostly.

I'm not going to go into detail of all my life changes but rather I will just list a few of the more recent, and more pertinent ones.

Number one: I GOT A JOB!!!!!! :D I am now a cashier/barista/bakery associate/busboy at the one and only Panera Bread.  Its great, I love the people I work with, my boss is pretty stinkin awesome, I work more than I thought I'd be able to, and its a great place to work so that I can continue to pursue my dreams.  Yay God.

Number two:  I am(pretty much) finished with being a homeschooler! Co-op is out, I have a test to take in chemistry, and then I'm done. Then off to college in the fall for little baby Becca.

Number three: I'm taking all the change going on in my life, turning it into creative energy, and redecorating my room. I 'm VERY excited about this and have been wanting to do it for about a year now. I think now is the perfect time for it.  Its turned into a sort of therapy for me, a way to release all the nervous energy that comes from change, and a way to keep from bottling everything up inside.

So yup. That's my life work, sleep, art, sleep, and whole lot more work.  Oh! and I do have my permit but I have yet to drive anywhere, so that hasn't really affected anything... though there has been tell of my father taking me driving this weekend as he is on vacation! I shall update you on the outcome of that one.

Cheers all! I have missed this, and am happy to be back.


Finally, a little note to help you through the tough times, it sure helped me.

"Barns burnt down... now I can see the moon."

Only Dull People Are Brilliant At Breakfast

Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast. Do I know what this means? Not a clue.
All I know are the memories, the ideas, and the dreams that go along with it. And for me, that is all I need.


It is six days till Christmas. I can't believe it. The past year has gone by so fast, and yet so very slow. Its hard to believe what my life was like a year ago. So much has changed. I have changed. I have learned alot over the past year, and not for lack of reason. Its hard to fathom all that has happened over a simple twelve months, the life I have now is a world apart from back then. I'm not sad it changed though, its all been for the good. Despite a lot of sad changes its been amazing to see how life works out. Our God truly is amazing. He has taught me so much about his control over every second of our lives.


Something that has become extremely apparent in my life this year is His impeccable planning abilities. I've learned that when the things you don't expect happen its so much more beneficial than the things you did think of. I've learned that when you lose the things you thought you needed most, it often turns out you didn't really NEED them forever after all. If you need it He puts it in your life, whether its to encourage, teach a lesson, or inspire. And, if its not in your life, you don't need it.


I also learned how wonderful one of the scariest things is. Growing up. As much as I've always dreamed of when I was older, the older and older I get the scarier it becomes. I've changed so much over the past year, and I've learned alot about myself. It was scary, but it was worth it, and I'd never trade it for anything. I know that the next year holds just as much change for me, and while it still scares me to death, it also excites me more than I can say.

I've lost dreams this year, I've let them go, and hopefully those beautiful moments float to someone else's mind because they deserve a home, and they got me through so, so much. But even after letting go of those dreams parts of them, bits and pieces will stay with me forever. I know they will. They made me the person I am today and for that I thank them wholeheartedly.


I've, of course, gotten new dreams this year. Magical dreams, even more far-fetched, but maybe, just maybe alot more reachable too. These dreams are my life. They are my gift. And I will hold them dear.


I've made so many wonderful friends this year, and I love them all dearly. They are what bring a smile on my face from day to day.


Its been crazy year, with alot of ups and downs but in the end, its the year I needed. Its the inspiration to my life. Its what made me, me. And its a blessing I would never give up.

To My Maid

Now, I would like to mention a very important subject.

You see I have realized that tomorrow is the birthday of an incredibly special person in my life. And in honor of Miss Hannah's birthday I would like to take this moment to say just how amazing she is.

There is so much about her that I am thankful for and I know that this little note will not even scratch the surface, but I will try none the less. :P

Hannah Hoover.

You are my best friend.

You have always, always been there for me, no matter if it was to make me laugh, to give me amazing advice about life and how to live it honoring the Lord, or if it was to dance with me, to take pictures with me, to watch movies, to listen to music, to ride bikes, to dream amazing, grand, unfathomable dreams.

You are the person who knows my brain better than anybody else.

You are the person that is ALWAYS on not only the same page but the same sentence as I am.

The closest thing to a fight we have EVER had was whether or not sci-fi is awesome or not.

You are my inspiration, you make me work harder, whine less, love more, and an all around better person.

You love your family and your Lord above all else.

You hate lies and violence.

You always stand firm in what you believe.

You take care of everyone else, and I am so happy to get to take care of you.

You have so many talents, from music to cooking to acting to your writing.

You are an incredible thinker.

You are very smart.

You can also be extremely unobservant and oblivious to very basic common know things.

I will NEVER let the fact that you thought putting ties on balloons would make them float go.

 Your outlook on life is amazing.

The word "plethora" will always remind me of you.

You are your generation's hippie, and you always will be.

I love everything you write.

I love knowing exactly what clothes you love.

 I love that moment when you look to me requesting my approval of clothes you know don't work for you, and I love telling you that they don't.

I love that I am one of the few people you will get "annoyed" with when they don't actually deserve it.

I love not putting up with you when you are "annoyed."

I love it when you know I'm right and go off mumbling bitterly to yourself.

I love your love of all things Star Wars, Lord of the Rings, Braveheart, and The Godfather.

I love how well our lives fit into the movies we watch.

 I love all the things you've taught me.

I love it when you cook me food.

 I love the amazing nicknames we think up.

 I love the amazing stories and moments we create and experience that could only ever come from us.

I love how obsessive we get about things.

I love the cds you make me every Christmas.

 I love and hate the way you know exactly how to mess with my brain.

 I love being able to see how much we've both grown up.

 I have loved growing up with you.

I love that you want just as many dogs as I do.

I LOVE the looks we give each other and how much we can say in one glance. I

 love sharing the same dream.

I love our relationship.

I love you.

Happy birthday my most loved maid.

Ideas

Okay, first things first. I have fallen in LOVE with The Avett Brothers radio on pandora.  It is phenomenal. Listen to it, you may hate it but you may love it, cause it is definitely lovable.  The Avett Brothers have most definitely found their way onto my Christmas wish list!

So the past weekend I have been working nonstop on one particular gingerbread house, in fact I spent somewhere around 20 hours on it.  Now if that seems slightly obsessive to you, you're probably not that far off base.  But, the whole reason that I spent that much time is simply because I had an idea. 

Just an idea, a thought and a picture in my mind.  I imagined a perfect little gingerbread doll house, with a slanted roof and perfect little windows in the front, and perfect little rooms with all the bells and whistles in the back.  I get these ideas all the time, there are so many things I wish I had the time and the resources to do, and those ideas make me wish I could get back all that time I've wasted doing nothing. 

I have these ideas, but alot of the time those ideas are only ever ideas.  But sometimes, sometimes I get to take those ideas out of my head and make them real.  I wish I could tell you how incredibly exciting that is, how exciting it is when you see something in your head become real right beneath your hands. 

That excitement is why I can spend 20 hours on a gingerbread house that is just gonna be thrown away.  That excitement is why I can sit and work every second that isn't dedicated to other responsibilities.  That excitement is why I can LOVE every moment of it.  I personally don't look at it as obsession, though my logical side of me says it is, I simply did it because every second I spent working on it I loved and every second made me love that I am able to create things. Creating things brings so much joy to my day, and I am so thankful that I have the abilities to have that joy. 

When ideas become reality it is a beautiful thing.

Realizations Having To Do With Boggarts And The Answer No

I have recently come to two realizations in my life.

The first has to do with fear.  You see ever since I learned of boggarts in the wonderful world of Harry Potter I have always thought about what a boggart would turn in to for me. I've always had the question "What if you don't know what your greatest fear is?"  I always new mine wasn't anything like spiders or even Snape, and I always wished that Boggarts actually existed cause then I could find out what my greatest fear really was.  While this thought wasn't all that important in my life I've never really have been able to get rid of it.  But just recently another thought popped into my head, and I realised that the thought was quite accurate.  I realized that alot of the time my greatest fear was reality.

Now I'm not exactly sure what shape reality would take if I ever were to cross paths with a boggart, but that's not really important. The important part is that I finally have some kind of answer for the question I've had for such a long time.

Now let me explain what I mean by my greatest fear is reality. 

I have always been one to dream big. I am always, always making stories and moments and memories up.  I don't think my imagination has ever stopped creating things, ever.  And when I create these stories in my mind I get so attached to them, to the emotions, and the loyalties, and the dreams that go along with them.  They are the things that make every day of my life exciting.  And I do feel that those stories, and the ridiculous amount of blessings God has given me, are what has made my life so happy.  They are the reason that I try not to get upset about the little things, the stories make me realize that the little thing don't matter so much.  They are the reason that I am so much less angry than I used to be, and they are the reason that I never really have been depressed about anything.(don't get me wrong I've been upset lots of times, I just haven't REALLY been depressed)  God has blessed me so much with giving me these stories to get by each day, and he has blessed me with so many things, and people to inspire those stories so that they never end.

While I do realize that I live everyday in the real world, and I know that those stories are just that, stories.(don't worry I'm really not as crazy as you think) I still fear losing them, I fear waking up one day and realizing that the world is an ugly place, that the real world never goes along with the one I've created in my head. I'm afraid that I'll come to the conclusion that none of my dreams will ever come true. I'm afraid of losing my thoughts and dreams and creativity, and I'm afraid of losing my outlook on the world.   And I guess in a large part I'm afraid of losing who I am.  I love being the artsy type, I love that while I understand the importance of reason, and use it in my decisions, reason isn't the only or(at least not always) the most important thing I use to make decisions.  I love seeing the world through the eyes of my imagination, not the eyes of logic and reason and reality.  I love that I can see the beauty and the wonder of something that so many people write off as weird and something from a crazy person.  I love being my own unique person in my own unique world and I never wanna lose that.

Secondly after having a conversation with my father about one of my latest schemes for my life he said a very common phrase to me that brought me to my second conclusion.  I never do take no for an answer.  At least I never take no to actually mean no.  When I hear "No" I really hear "That won't work out" and then I figure out why it won't work out and then I try and fix the parts that won't work so that "No" turns to "Yes" or "That will work out."  While I feel like this will help me for alot of things in life I know that now it really frustrates my parents and is something I should probably work on... hm.


lastly, I am now going to start reading Alice's Adventure's In Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass. We have a really old version of it, and I'm really excited about what I will think of it!

Well, I'm off to go see what I can do about turning that previously mentioned "No" into a "Yes"

Goodbye Leaves, Pumpkins, and Rain. Hello Snow, Hot Chocolate, and Christmas!

Well, the time has come.  As it does every year, fall has passed away and winter has set in.   It's so clear and exciting as I sit here with my newly purchased Celtic Thunder Christmas CD playing and a unusual amount of snow outside my window! I have had an amazing fall this year and I am so excited about the winter to come... a few days ago the next months did not seem inviting at all but now with all the winteryness around me and an amazing fall behind me I am really looking forward to the next couple of months.

I have had an absolute fantastic fall this year.  While the weather was depressingly sunny, and I really did miss the rain there still has been a ton to rejoice about!! I started my very last year of school at home, something I have been dreaming about for a VERY long time!  I sometimes think I should be kinda sad about that, but in all honesty, I'm not.  Don't get me wrong I have LOVED being homeschooled and wouldn't change that at all, but I am also very excited about going to college, especially for fashion. I've been thinking about college ever since I was an eight year old little girl and couldn't go to private school with my neighbors, the plan has always been that if I couldn't go to private school then I'd go to college and do running start just like my older siblings!

I also turned sixteen this fall, and I happily got to celebrate that with my best friend coming to stay with me for the week.  That was great fun and we had alot a grand time taking lots of pics, walking the dogs, and visiting Seattle.

  

 And that's not all that has happened this fall.  I got to go see Celtic Thunder live for my very first concert, and I got to go to that with both of my best friends, the two people that I would want most to accompany me to that first concert.

Also, we got my new best friend, a new dishwasher.  If you are very close to me and have spent time with me at my house you know just how exciting that is! It was quite the hassle getting a dishwasher that actually works, but it was SO worth it to get one. I am still in heaven about it.

And most exciting of all, this fall I became an aunt to two adorable twin boys named Adam and Oliver.  They are the first babies of the Spears family and we are all so very excited about it.

Yes, yes they are the most adorable twin boys you have ever seen!

And now, as I have bid fall adieu, I say a hearty hello to my favorite season of all, winter.

And it has already turned out to be an exciting season!!!  It's already unusually cold and snowy, and I already have some great memories of this winter.  Like me and my dad being two of only four people crazy enough to go see Harry Potter 7 in the middle of a snow storm, watching the last showing before they closed the theater all together. Like sledding down my driveway on a laminated piece of poster board, and like waking up to 24 degree weather and ice on the INSIDE of my window.  Not to mention the all around winter feel in the air. I love it all. 

And now, a wintery song/poem to send you off with.

Oh! pat, the bitter day when you bravely parted from us,

The mother and myself on the cruel quays of Cork :

When you took the long kiss, and you gave the faithful promise

That you'd soon bring us over wid you at New York

But the times they grew worse through the sild, weary winter,

And my needles all we had to find livin' for us two ;

While the mother drooped and drooped till I knelt down forenint her

And closed her dyin' eyes, dear--but still no word of you.

The the neighbors thought you false to me, but I knew you better,

Though the bud became the leaf, and the corn began to start ;

And the swallow she flew back, and still sorra letter,

but I sewed on and on, Pat, and kep' a stout heart.

Till the leaves they decayed, and the rook and the starlin'

Returned to the stubble, and I'd put by enough

To start at long last in search of my darlin'

Alone across the ocean so unruly and rough.

Until at the end, very weak and very weary,

I reached the overside, and started on my search ;

But no account for ever of Patrick for his Mary,

By advertisin' for you, dear, or callin' you in church.

Yet still I struggled on, though my heart was almost broken

And my torn entirely on the rough, rugged stone ;

Till that day it came round, signs by and by token,

The day five year that we parted you, mavrone!

Oh ! the snow it was sweepin' through the dark, silent city

And the cruel wind it cut through my thin, tattered gown.

Still I prayed the good God on his daughter to take pity ;

When a sudden, strange light shone forenint me up the town.

And the light it led on till at last right opposite

A large, lonely house it vanished, as I stood,

Wid my heart axing wildly of me, was it, oh, was it

A warnin' of ill or a token of good ?

When the light kindled up agin, brighter and bigger,

And the shadow of a woman across the windy passed ;

while close, close, and closer to her stole a man's figure,

And I fainted, as you caught me in your true arms at last.

Then Pat, my own Pat. I saw that you were altered

To the shadow of yourself by the fever on the brain !

While "Mary, Mary darlin'," at last your lips the faltered,

You've given your poor Patrick his mem'ry back again."

And the good, gentle priest, when he comes, is never weary

Of sayin', as he speaks of that light in the snow,

"The Lord heard your prayer, and in pity for you, Mary,

Restored Pat the raison that he lost long ago."



Windstorms

I would like to say that I have a very special place in my heart for windstormes. :) ...and rain, thunder, lighting, or anything else that goes along with it... I have a feeling I wouldn't like tornados as much but who knows!!

Anyway, I just through and through love them!  I love the sound of the wind whislting through the tree branches, I love the periodic clunks of the branches hitting my cealing, I love the excitment of your lights flickering on and off, or the excitment of having no power whatsoever! And of course the thrill you get everytime a powerful gust of wind shoves its way through the trees(often times knocking them over) :D It's excitment and it's comfort! Yeah thats right comfort!  When I hear these sounds, when I feel that wind, and when I see those branches dancing back and forth in the wind it makes me feel home, and it makes me feel save. (Huh ironic right as I wrote this I heard a very large abnoraml crashing sound outside...uh oh..thats a siren..o.O) It's my favorite thing about the change of a season, and happilly it happens almost everytime the seasons start to change around here. It makes me love where I live and it makes me sad when I hear that wind soften away for good. It's simply the most wonderful time of the year!  (bahahaha Christmas reference!!! ...yeah I know I'm not funny but laugh along anyway..you know you want to.)

AH! THERE IT WENT!! ....awww crap the power just came back on... curse you electric people who fixed our power line years ago. >.<

op..there is that crashing again..I wonder if J2B is falling to chaos..

...well I have discovered what the crash was! I went downstairs and learned that a branch broke through our carport!!! :P

I Believe In Magic

These are magic years...

and therefore magic days...

and therefore magic moments. 

 ~Anonymous

Magic. 

Its everywhere, hidden in every part of our lives.  Its a part of every single thing God has every made.  All we have to do is be able to see it. 

To see the magic in a story, in a place, in a dream.

The magic of notes dancing softly to our ears, or the magic of words painted across a page

The magic of threads woven together in complete support of eachother.

The magic of personalities. 

The magic of unexpected poems, of people you can talk to anytime about anything and never leave without a laugh, of the looks between people who know the exact patterns of each other's brains, of friends who have always, always been there, of people who whole heartedly support your grandest schemes for your life.

The magic of a family who loves eachother and the Lord.

The magic of some "Fake Luck" taped into a card.

The magic of seven simple words: "I love you, Becfola. Anything is possible."

The magic of a big borther's words to his little sister.

The magic of family, related or not.

The magic of rain, sun, clouds, fog, wind, day, night, heat, cold, snow, water, ocean.

The magic of friendship.

The magic of love.

But most of all, the magic of God.

Forgot about this...

So, I wrote this at the end of august, and forgot to post it! Opsies!

This is me. My point of view. My world.

This is me. This is me venturing into the blogging world!

Its not to show off my extraordinary writing skills, cause they're far from it, and its not to enlighten you with my all knowing view of the world and everything in it, because in all reality mine is a simple and ignorant one.

I don't want your judgments, and I'm not asking you to listen. I'm just sharing my dreams, expressing my emotions, and most of all asking my questions. The questions I don't know the answers to, the questions I think about most, and most of the time the questions probably only God can really answer for me.

So with the sound of a classical tenor singing Remember Me in the background I'll attempt to show you my point of view of my world so that maybe, somehow, with God's help, we can make some sense of it all.